


Erratic, At Best

by Bipolar_Armitage_Hux



Series: Bastards and Broken Things [11]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Agender Hux, Autistic Hux, Autistic Kylo Ren, Bipolar Hux, Comfort/Angst, Fluffy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intersex Hux, M/M, Manic Episode, PTSD Hux, Trans Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8106352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux/pseuds/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux
Summary: Hux falls into a manic episode after his last encounter with Phasma leaving Kylo to pick up the pieces.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Might not make sense if you haven't read Water in the Desert

Hux had driven out of the city. He had gone from Phasma's house in an emotional cloud - knowing he didn't want to go home or anywhere else. He didn't really think about where he was going and when he realised, he couldn't stop himself. He drove faster than he should have done, and barely paid attention to anyone else on the road. It wasn't until he was on the corner of a road that ended in a large estate that he pulled over and even then, he just stared forward. He didn't really know why he was here. He supposed his new life had started to fuck up and he wanted to go back to the old one. If he was curled up in his room too scared to come out then he wouldn't have to deal with this - of course, now he was here it was ridiculous. He had a home that was safe now, he had a man who he loved, he had a cat, he had a job and he had freedom. Father wouldn't let her kill me though, Hux though his eyes stinging. It was funny, for so long he had wished he was dead but now death was staring he straight in the face and he didn't want it. He wanted to run in the opposite direction. Phasma knew about him and Kylo, that was it. She would think he was useless to him as a hitman now and he knew too much for her to just let him go. He sighed, and fell back into his seat, closing his eyes and for the first time for as long as he could remember didn't even try to stop himself from crying. He sat there with quiet tears falling down his face and when he thought he'd stopped, he pulled out his phone, smiled when he saw his background picture and let him gaze at it for a second. Kylo grinned back at him from the other side of a table with a Starbucks mug in front of him. His eyes were screwed up like he was laughing and he wore Hux's black hoodie. He unlocked his phone, found Kylo's number and rang him. It was a terrible idea for a few reasons - for one thing Kylo would hear him cry and although he didn't care now he'd hate himself for that later, and for another he had decided on the drive over there that he was going to distance himself from the man entirely and he was breaking that rule already. Despite everything in his body telling him not to he called Kylo and after the second ring he answered.   
  
"Hux? What's up?" Kylo said instantly, not even trying to hide his worry. Hux didn't call, he just ... Didn't.   
  
"I-uh-" Hux stammered. "K-Kylo? I uh, I don't know why I'm here." He was stammering and his voice was thick with tears.   
  
"Hux, slow down. Where are you? What's happened?" Kylo replied feeling his his heart crack just by the sound, he didn't know what was going on understand what Hux was talking about but... It had to be bad.   
  
"I- I'm outside my- my father's house." Kylo's silence spoke more than anything he said could have done.  
  
"I - Hux you lost me. Why are you- What's happened?"   
  
"I was with Phasma."  
  
"Okay..."   
  
"I had a job there."  
  
"Right."   
  
"Then I drove to my father's house."   
  
"This is where I stop understanding."   
  
"I ... I'm going to die," Hux said suddenly. His head was overfilled with thoughts, feelings and everything around him felt too loud.   
  
"No, Hux, no you're not-" Kylo began, feeling his pulse rise. What the fuck was going on? He kept thinking.  
  
"Phasma she- she's going to kill me- she can't- she can't let me go because she's- Oh fuck. Fuck- Kylo I'll call you back," Hux finished, being thrown back to reality when he recognised his father's Aston Martin driving down the road to the estate. Hux turned on his ignition, suddenly reversed and slammed down his accelerator. He threw himself into his driving down the road and skidded around the corner - praying that his father hadn't been told was his licence plate looked like. Thankfully, all of those years of having to walk (and later, ride his bike) home had given him a really good knowledge of the roads. After a while, when he was sure he lost his father he pulled over somewhere he wasn't supposed to park, just by the old park where he used to spend so much time and his head almost fell onto his steering wheel. He laughed hysterically, his legs were shaking and his eyes were watering. His breathing was laboured and his head was too focused on the fact he could have very easily just died but he... Didn't. Feeling a little more rational, he put on his seat belt and started driving, this time to the club. He wanted to see Kylo and he thought he might owe him an explanation. He decided to inform Kylo of this over a text, whilst he was driving.   
  
When he eventually got to the club, he didn't notice that his car had been parked rather badly, almost diagonally despite the fact he was usually so meticulous about it. He took five minutes to find his key with his shaking hands, opened the back door of the club and stopped suddenly. He felt suddenly anxious about how he had no idea whether Kylo was working or not, he looked at his phone intent on ringing him  but once noting he had 9 missed calls and a text message stating that he "fucking better be". He realised this was probably the answer. He walked to Kylo's door stumbling on the way. He didn't think of knocking on it and he just walked in. This took Kylo by surprise who was currently nervously pacing up and down his room, he stopped in place and was about to shout at Hux before he noticed something. Wide eyes, brighter, shaking, heaving breathing, giggling for no reason, crying at - fuck, he's manic again, Kylo thought, worry visible in his eyes but Hux was barely aware of him. Before Kylo could speak Hux started pacing and talking rapidly.   
  
"I'm dead, I'm dead, fuck, Phasma's gonna- fuck, fuck, fuck, she's gonna kill me," He said so quickly Kylo caught every third word.   
  
"Hux, Hux, Hux, stop," Kylo said, taking his shoulders forcing him to stand still. Hux due to not being able to pace, practically bounced on the spot as his knees kept shaking. "Hux, we're going to go for a walk, okay?" Kylo said slowly, he learnt from previous episodes that Hux tended to mirror what was around him. When he heard Kylo speak slowly, Hux's body language started to slow down as well. "I think a walk might do you some good, then you can tell me everything." Hux nodded as Kylo took his hand and led him out of the club. He conveniently didn't mention the fact that Phasma had cameras in his room and this is not a conversation they should have here.   
  
Kylo suggested they went to Hux's apartment instead, thankfully his episode had caused him to not think this was strange. Neither did he question why they were choosing to walk to his apartment rather than drive (the reason being that Kylo had seen Hux's driving whilst he was manic and he wanted them both to be safe.) Hux was squeezing Kylo's hand a little bit too tightly and walked a bit too quickly. Kylo was about to speak but Hux beat him too it, again speaking rather quickly and stumbling over every other word.   
  
"I- I had a- I had a job, with Phasma," Hux began, looking everywhere but at Kylo. "Well, two actually. The first one was fine, normal, the second one is where it became... different. She was showing off her power over me but that's fairly typical. She did that in a - she kept call-calling me a - a guard dog and it-" Hux shook his head. "She called me a g-good boy and- she - refused to let me leave after the target left until I - fuck this is so embarrassing-"   
  
"Hux, what did she do?" Kylo said, frowning slightly.   
  
"It's such a stupid thing to get upset about but she wouldn't let me leave until I barked on command and- she, she fucking knows about us Kylo- I fucking-" Kylo stopped Hux mid-step and took his face in his hands.   
  
"Okay, Hux, firstly, I need you to take a deep breath, okay? Breath with me," Kylo said softly. Hux followed Kylo's breathing and visibly started to calm down. After a few moments, Kylo stroked his hair and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Feeling a bit better?" He whispered into his ear. He felt Hux nod. ""Okay-" Kylo took a step back, taking Hux's hand again. "Hux, she's not going to kill you," he finished as they walked the rest of the way, at a much slower pace.   
  
"No, you don't get it," Hux said, still breathless. "She only wanted me because I had  _no sentiment_. You- I never had anyone before you. I know too much, she can't let me go. I just-" he paused. "I don't know how she knows."  
  
"She's Phasma," Kylo said nervously. "She knows everything somehow. Maybe someone at the club told her?"  _Or she saw something_ , he added mentally. He had hoped Hux was convinced by this when he fell quiet. Unfortunately he was suspiciously quiet the rest of the way home and all the way up to his apartment which told Kylo he probably didn't. It wasn't until they took the lift to the third floor that he spoke, and by the sudden nature and the fact he suddenly appeared perfectly calm told Kylo he had probably been disassociating the entire time. This worried him further.   
  
"No, she can't have," Hux said suddenly. "If someone at the club told her she would have said something sooner." Kylo didn't reply until they got to the flat. Fuck, he thought anxiously. I'm going to have to tell him.   
  
"Hux," Kylo said as they entered the apartment. "I need- there's something you should know."   
  
"What?" Hux said, turning around instantly and standing in place. Kylo took him by the shoulders gently directing him to the sofa.   
  
"Why don't you sit down, I'll make you a drink and I'll tell you?" Kylo said, forcing his voice to sound calm. He looked through Hux's cupboards and mentally noted he had to shout at him later for having next to know food. There was a lot of chocolate bars, bags of crisps, boxes of fizzy drinks, some cans of beer in the fridge and some bread. Kylo sighed exasperatedly, despite his best efforts Hux still didn't eat properly. No wonder he's not gaining weight any quicker, Kylo thought a little irritably. He decided a can of Coca Cola was the last thing Hux needed and poured him a glass of water. He sat next to the poor man who was scratching at his harm, it was so hard Kylo thought it would start bleeding. He gently pulled is arm away from him as he sat down, causing Hux to stare at him, with his mouth parted. "Okay, Hux, I know how Phasma knows about us. I need you to promise you're not going to- well-" Kylo paused, how could he put this tactfully? "Hux I need you to promise you'll remain calm."   
  
"I- " Hux let out a sigh and stared at his feet. "Yes, okay. I'll try."   
  
"Good, thank you. Phasma knows because- I'm not supposed to tell you this. She- she keeps cameras in every room. She makes me make sure every client is filmed she-" Kylo took a deep breath. "I don't know why or what she does with them, she sells the more... Graphic ones," he finished. He stared at Hux, waiting for a response. He didn't reply, he didn't even luck at Kylo, he laid back on the sofa staring at the ceiling looking defeated.   
  
"You- you let me panic," Hux said quietly, his eyes stinging and his voice heavy. "You didn't warn me. S-she might kill me and you didn't tell me."   
  
"Hux," Kylo said, sitting up and forcing to look at him. "Phasma is not going to kill you, okay? She- she values you too much. If you just stay in line and-"   
  
"I explained this, if she thinks I'm attached-"   
  
"This isn't good for me either," Kylo snapped. "No one wants a fucking whore with a boyfriend. We're just going to have to deal with it, okay?" Hux fell silent and wince a little when he heard Kylo raise his voice. He's right, of course, Hux thought bitterly. "Hux, if she wanted to kill you she would have done it today. I think we should just take it as a warning."  
  
"A warning of what?" He responded quietly.   
  
"That if this gets in the way of anything then it will end badly for us but for now, I think we're safe," Kylo said, his voice much calmer, he felt a little guilty for snapping at him earlier.   
  
"Are you sure?" Hux said, trying to keep his voice even and not like a whine.   
  
"Positive," Kylo said with a smile, stroking his cheekbones. Hux curled up onto the sofa resting his head on Kylo's lap.  
  
"I'm sorry," he muttered, visibly embarrassed.   
  
"Hey, don't be. It's fine, really," Kylo replied, taking Hux's hand in his and kissing it. "I understand. Besides," he began softly, stroking Hux's hair. "She's not going to rule the mob for much longer, is she?" 


End file.
